So I think it’s pretty apparent that alternate styles of relationships are becoming more known.
Many people are exploring other options besides monogamy. There’re styles such as open, polygamous, polyamorous, asexual.
With all the information coming out, it made me question what type of relationship I really wanted to be in.
To be honest, when I was younger, I would shrivel at the idea of being with one man for THE REST OF MY LIFE.Like forever ever? That’s a mighty long time. As I mentioned in one of my previous post, I used to be afraid to love. So the idea of being with someone for 10,20, 30 and years beyond sounded lovely,but also terrifying.
I wanted commitment and a deep connection,but I also didn’t want to feel obligated to be with someone for whatever reasons people do.
So what’s a young woman to do?
As I was doing my research, one of the alternate relationship styles really caught my eye.
My experience with alternate relationship styles
I was considering being in an open relationship HEAVILY. I was over the traditional model.
The reason for that was because the traditional model seemed limiting. There were very few relationships using the model that seemed ideal to me. To me all I saw was control, possessiveness, contentment instead of happiness, cheating, dishonesty, loss of self, and I knew I wanted no parts of that.
So that led me to the open style. Someone that I have been following for a while is Shan Boody. She is a sexologist and she had recently put out that her relationship was open. Her and her husband put a video on YouTube explaining their union. I also listened to a podcast by The Friend Zone that had a huge discussion on different relationship types.
As they were talking about it, it was explained that open can mean anything. It can be open sexually, emotionally, or however you want it. The point is the two parties involved make the rules about what they want to be open about.
It sounded amazing to me! My most recent past relationship had a lot of insecurity in it. For me, I’ve always been the type to love to have deep conversations with people. I like to know about others experiences and journeys.
I think my partner was insecure about conversations I would have with others. After that relationship, I said if it’s wrong for me to have conversations with others on the level I enjoy maybe this monogamy shit ain’t for me.
I have to be able to be myself without it making you feel insecure. So I decided my next relationship would be open.
I actually didn’t have the rules all together of how I wanted it exactly. I just knew I wanted to be able to be myself. I wanted complete honesty, trust, and I wanted my partner to be with me because they chose to.Not because it was comfortable, or they were afraid to start over, or any other reason except they want to continue to build with me.
Then as I continued to think about it and talk more with my friends I came to a realization.
I realized what I was looking for was just open communication.
I found that I wouldn’t be comfortable with my partner or myself having sexual relationships outside of ours. I believe sex is a sacred act and that would add more energies into our union.
So yes, I do still want an open relationship.
I want open communication. I want honesty, openness to be able to to express ourselves, open discussions. No type of possessiveness. No matter how much I love you or you love me, we have no control over the other.
I always want the best for those that I love even if it is not me.
After considering it I found the type of open I want. While some of the other styles may not be for me, everything is not for everyone.
So figure out what you want and then you’ll align with someone who wants the same.
What style of relationship do you prefer?