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I had the quite hilarious expectation that moving abroad would somehow separate me slightly from my challenges.

It’s been able to give me a different perspective, but the challenges from home still stayed and living abroad presents different challenges within itself.

Reality hit

Before leaving home, there were some things that needed to be addressed within my family. I was able to come to terms with things and heal myself, but it was not the case for the rest of my family. Living abroad away from everything allowed me the space to look at things from a different perspective. I was able to have more understanding for situations that I did not before. However, the rest of my family was still in the same situation. The challenges were still present, and actually seemed to get worse.

Living abroad, it can be hard to deal with because I really can’t do anything this far away.I It sort of makes me feel disconnected. In some ways, I wish I could be home to help more.

I also know me being the best version of myself and continuing to work and improve myself is the best thing for my family. Even me having a different understanding on things has helped me help them. The more that I help myself the better I can be to others. If I was still in the same situation, I may have not had the same tools that I have now.

Savior Complex

Nobody can help a person if they really don’t want the help. I know for myself, for a while I felt it was my responsibility to save my family, the community, THE WORLD lol. I had to realize that my only responsibility is being true to who I am and living my purpose and mission. Now most times people fulfilling their purpose does, in turn, help the community and their family and that is amazing. However, do not have the expectation that what you are doing is going to automatically change things. People and things will change when they are ready to change. All you can do is all you can do. It is what it is until it isn’t. You can make all the money in the world and do all you think you’re supposed to do for other people and things will still be the same if people aren’t ready. So do you! Take care of yourself first so that you can better help others. Take care of yourself, without being selfish and also be giving without sabotaging yourself.

Self love/ selfishness and selflessness/ self- sabotage

Let’s break down all of these qualities and how self love can turn into selfishness and how selflessness(magnanimity) can turn into self sabotage.

Self love/ selfishness

We’re on a new wave of people taking time for themselves, focusing on themselves, and living life for themselves. I love the self love wave. Many people are just getting back to loving themselves. That is needed for everyone. Before you worry about loving someone else, love yourself first. Everyone should express more self love!

  • You can express self love by staying home instead of going to that party you had planned.
  • You might can’t buy a birthday gift for your friend this year, because you have extra expenses.
  • Let’s say you’re on a trip with a friend, you might need a whole day away from them, just to have the time to be with yourself. Only you know what you need to love yourself more.

Here is where loving yourself can turn into selfishness. If you have an abundance of something and you’re not sharing it, that’s selfish. Even though you should take care of yourself, it would not hurt to take into consideration how things will affect other people.

Here’s a simple example. So children are having snack time. Everyone got a pudding cup. Johnny finished his pudding cup and now he wants more. So, he goes and takes Harmony’s pudding cup. Now Johnny is happy and Harmony is sad. That’s selfish Johnny! Just because something makes you happy, doesn’t mean you should do it. That’s the problem with this new wave of self love. It’s beautiful to love yourself,but also at times take into consideration how it affects others. Cause if you keep taking everyone’s pudding cup you’re going to end up alone, with a whole bunch of pudding.

I know that example is very elementary, but basically your self care should not DIRECTLY be hurting other people. Now, some things are uncontrollable. So, if your self care indirectly hurts someone, you can’t help that.

Selflessness/ self- sabotage

Everyone loves selfless people,mostly because of what they get out of the situation. I don’t even like the world selfless, because it means putting others needs before your own. The word I want to use instead is magnanimous. It means being giving and kind. So you can be magnanimous, without sabotaging yourself.

Let’s say you have leftover food, nothing wrong with sharing it. You have some free time and you’re in a mentally good state, go ahead and listen to your friend vent. You have some extra money in your account at the moment, go ahead and get some snacks for your students. These acts can turn into self sabotage real quick though.

I know of people who simply want to make other’s happy. So much so, that they end up sabotaging themselves in the process.

  • If you barely have enough to make food for your family, and pay the bills, but you want to make food for the neighborhood. You know that would make everyone in the neighborhood happy. So you buy food to make portions for many people, therefore your budget for your bills is not enough. You just sabotaged yourself.
  • How about you have free time and you are constantly listening to your friend who is not in the best space. At first, it was fine. You were able to listen and provide them with your good energy and uplifting words. After a while though, your energy is beginning to deplete. You continue to listen to them though, because they have come to rely on you to help bring them up .You are sabotaging yourself.
  • As a teacher, you usually bring snacks every Friday. This month though, some extra expenses popped up. You really don’t have the extra funds, but you don’t want to let your students down so you still get the snacks. That is self sabotage.

There is a balance. If you keep sabotaging yourself there will be a time where you don’t have much more to give.

Understand that you fulfilling your mission and purpose is what’s best for you and everyone else. Save yourself. You are your own hero and no one else’s. Many people live their whole lives without fulfilling their mission or being themselves, so you doing that is amazing. Share what you learn, earn, and understand. Honestly, we are all in this together, and no one wants to be on the top by themselves. You also will never get to the top if you keep giving what you don’t have.

Juggling these characteristics is hard. It takes constant self reflection. Share experiences in which you balance these characteristics .

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